Is ‘Romantic Love’ a cruel idea?
According to Alain de Botton ‘romantic love’ is a cruel idea. Why? Mixing romance with practical or home activities creates a lot of suffering. We believe we should have the perfect career and the perfect romantic relationship. But what is the reality? Well you might not have a perfect sex-live after 25 years of marriage. Is that weird? It is not. Then they start blaming each other and in the end they’ll divorce. Isn’t this a ‘fake’ problem? Created by the ideas that do not work. Our culture is too romantic and this confuses people. In our society one idea of love is dominating. And this idea of love is wrong in it’s basis.
He believes that people in long relationships do tend to repeat their patterns. We should be really humble to our ability to be able to change. We really are the prisoners of our childhood; the patterns learned in childhood will determine the rest of our adult love life. Our freedom to reinvent ourselves and ensure that we can change or be different in relationships is not as big as we tend to think. The past dictates the present very strong. As for the love and the relationships you have. Childhood is the time when you learn how to love.
Oops, what does this say about what I have learned about love?
Source: Wilma de Rek, deVolkspaper d.d. 2 April 2016